I’m currently undergoing a shift towards renewal. For a long time, my story centered around fire—loss, destruction, and transformation. But now, my life has shifted toward something different: water and earth, healing and grounding.
Living at a retreat center in Topanga has become a space for renewal. Here, my girlfriend and I are creating something meaningful, rebuilding in a different way—not with walls and possessions, but with presence, care, and connection. The land itself is teaching me how to slow down, nourish myself, and find balance.
Rooting Into the Earth
Our little hut on the edge of the property serves a dual purpose—it’s where we live, and it’s where my girlfriend gives massages to retreat guests. While she works with touch and oil to promote healing, my hands are in the soil, tending to the land. I’ve been spending long hours managing the retreat center’s grounds, raking leaves, fixing fences, reinforcing retaining walls, and protecting the land from mudslides now that the rains have come.
I can feel the contrast between where I was and where I am now. Fire is movement and destruction; earth is foundation and stability. I see this in the physical work I do, making the land more secure and resilient, but I also feel it internally—a shift from chaos to steadiness, from survival to intentional rebuilding.
Water as a Healer
For the first time in a long time, I find myself drawn to water. The retreat center has a sauna, and my girlfriend and I use it regularly. The heat envelops us, drawing out toxins as sweat beads on our skin, a cleansing ritual that feels both physical and emotional. The ritual of heat and cold therapy—stepping from the intense warmth of the sauna into the freezing outdoor shower—has become a practice in presence.
There’s something about water’s ability to soothe, cleanse, and restore. The outdoor shower, built into the hollow of a massive tree stump, feels like stepping into an elemental portal—earth and water merging in a way that reflects exactly where I am in life.
The Ritual of Moisture and Self-Care
My girlfriend recently became a massage therapist at an Ayurvedic spa, and her knowledge has deeply influenced my approach to self-care. She introduced me to dosha-specific oils (vata, pitta, kapha), each designed to balance the body’s energy. Before stepping into the sauna, we apply these warm herbal oils, allowing them to penetrate the skin as the heat opens our pores. It’s a small ritual, but it has made a huge difference.
For the first time since I was a teenager, my skin feels truly hydrated, nourished, and healthy. More than that, I’m learning to appreciate moisture, slowness, and care. Where fire burned away so much, water and oil are replenishing me.
Balance Between Earth and Water
I spend my days working the land, making it stronger, more resilient. I spend my evenings in water, allowing it to soften and soothe. These two elements—earth and water—are the themes of my life right now. One gives me stability; the other, fluidity.
Where I once felt restless and displaced, I now feel rooted and nourished.
Reflections on This Chapter
This period of my life is about rebuilding—not through force, but through presence, care, and balance. The work I do, both on the land and within myself, is about restoring what was lost in a way that allows for something deeper to grow.
If fire represents movement, upheaval, and change, then water represents emotions, healing, and restoration. And if earth is stability and foundation, then perhaps this is my time to merge the two—finding a way to stand strong while allowing myself to flow with whatever comes next.
I invite you to reflect: Which element are you embodying right now? Are you in a period of fire, water, earth, or air?
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